KaleidoSoul Inner Surprises

Daily Reading- What a message!

I've been getting back into the habit of daily (ok, ALMOST daily) SoulCollage readings with my cards.  Just a few minutes in the morning, sometimes longer.  I'm really enjoying the gift this practice has of centering me and connecting me back to my wisest, clearest Self.

Today, I drew these two cards:

I Can Do It Myself- Committee Suit-  I am the one who is bent under the weight of this over-full tray I am holding.  I am the one who is gripping onto the try tightly.  I am the one who thinks I have to do this by myself. I am the one who is doing this alone come hell or high water.  My message for you today is this: I am tired of carrying this heavy tray all by myself.  Please help me?  I have been taught that I have to do all of the hard stuff alone.  But is that really true?  Can you please, please help me???

Yes, I will help you, dear one. Thank you for trying to carry all of my burdens for so long.  It’s time to set down the tray. There are others on our team who will help us to carry what needs to be carried.   Thank you!  It is really hard-wired inside of me, this thing about having to do it all myself and all the time, you know? I just need some help in breaking that hard-wiring.  I just need your patience, and I need you to help me to make different choices so I can understand, really understand, that I am not alone.    

 

Buddha/curtains (Keys to Joy suit)-  I am the one who is sitting alone in the light-filled window, only curtains stirred by the breeze.  I am the one who is sitting still and quietly and trusting that I don’t have to DO anything to be loved and held in love by Spirit.  I am the one who is meditating, praying, still.  I am the one who is at home in my body.  I am the one who is at peace with myself.  My message for you today is this- sit still, now.  You are almost done with your journal entry for today, yes?  Go in your Quiet Room and sit on the chair with your prayer shawl and close your eyes.  Be still. Let go of everything that you have been struggling to carry.  Let the world go on without your struggle, your insistence on doing, doing, doing.

And while writing about them, I looked at them side by side and saw such amazing similarities and differences, that I really had a wonderful "inner surprise!"

I was drawn to how similar the cards are in color and tone... the grays and whites, the neutral tones, the almost blandness of each of them.  But the huge difference is the energy in each one. The first card seemed to be showing me the energy that's been controlling me these past several months, and what I receive from the second card is the energy that I would like to invite more of into my life!

Carrying- Council Suit

I made this card at the annual KaleidoSoul retreat last month and did the interpretation below off the top of my head during a session I was leading there. 

Once again, I am surprised and amazed at how deep this work can take us, and how quickly:

Who are you?

I am the one who carries colorful things on my head.  I am the one who isn't burdened by what is on/in my head.  I am the one who contains all things.  I am the one who is at all stages of a woman's life.  I am the one who loves being a girl, and a young adult,, and an older woman.  I am the one who celebrates all the stages of a woman's colorful life.

What do you have to give me?

I give you color and confidence and the poise to carry many rich and colorful things all at once.  I give you gladness.  I give you the knowing that it is good to be a woman and to "carry" many things.

What do you want from me?

I want you to relax into the "carrying."  I want you to know that all is good.  I want yo to be proud of what you "carrying." 

Is there anything else you have to tell me today?

We are women. We carry things in our heads and hearts and minds and souls.  It is what we do.  Be proud of this.  Be proud and glad about the many things you are carrying.

Survivor- Council Suit

This is one of the first SoulCollage cards I made.  I created it intuitively... not knowing what the card was about, just responding to my inner self being drawn to the images.  As it turns out, this is one of my most powerful archetypes, the Survivor.

Who are you?
I am the one who has survived fire and storm and famine.  I am the one who has danced in the flaming forest and wrestled with the fierce wild animals of the night.

 I am the one who is so sure of my own inner being that I can close my eyes and be with myself even when the enemy is right beside me.  I am the one who tames dragons and tigers and leopards even when they are looking at me with a deathly hunger in their eyes.

I am the one who knows that these wild enemies will never go away completely.  I also know that they do not have the power to destroy me unless I give them that power.  So I am the one who befriends them and listens to them and allows them to teach me what they will.

I am the one who feels the beating of my own precious heart and knows that that is where my strength and courage come from.

I am the one who is in touch with my innermost core of power, who allows that power to burn through my fears until I see them for what they are- proud sentient beings who have been sent to protect me.

I am the one who sends you mysterious angels after you have faced down the wildness of your own fears.

What do you want from me?
I want you to hold your hand over your own heart, and feel and hear the rhythm of your own authentic power.  I want you to know that you can call on me to lead you through the flaming forests, to show you how to sit still and befriend the enemy of your fears.

What do you have to give me?
I give you power, and authority and inner strength to face the wild tigers of your night, whatever they may be.


NOTES FROM DAILY READINGS:

March 2006- I am also about Courage.  It is a courageous thing you do- going to therapy, all your inner work, being in relationships, dealing with your body issues, creating the depths and layers of KaleidoSoul.  I am with you, and my eyes are open.  You can rest easy and go deeper within, because my eyes are open.

August 2006-  I am the one who has survived breast cancer, an emotionally deprived childhood, codependent mothering, difficult stepchildren, an alcoholic love relationship, Jeff's cancer, the deaths of my parents, an emotionally abusive boss.  I am the one who has brought you through it all.  Today I am saying to you: look at where you are, on the other side of the fiery drama.  In a place of peace and rest, where it is easy and safe for you to sit still and close your eyes and be with yourself.  So remember to do that this week, and every week.  Sit still, hand over your heart, remembering who you are.  Do not mistake the power there is in that.

July 2007- I am the one whose fiercest, most difficult battles are behind me.  I am the one who has survived everything with my own sense of self intact.  I am the one who is at home with the wild animals.  This one is my sister.  She has been my companion on the journey and she sits with me, rests with me now.  My message for you today is this: The fiery dramas are BEHIND you.  They do not need to define you any more.  Pause now in this resting place that is your life right now... and give yourself time to be with yourself.  This position I am in is the ultimate healing posture.  And you can close your eyes and go within with no fear, because you can trust that the others are watching out for you.

Great Expectations- Committee Suit

I made this card to honor the part of me who is intent on unrealistic and grand expectations.  While I believe that sometimes it's good to have high expectations of myself and others... I've come to discover in my life that a lot of my pain and struggle comes from unrealistic expectations.

Who are you?
I am the one who is always looking for bigger and better.  I am the one who worships at the altar of expectations that are too big, too grand, too unrealistic.  I am the one who is always looking up and away instead of what at is right in front of me.

What do you have to give me?
I give you a warning that you are veering off into unrealistic territory. I give you a warning to stop looking up and away.  I give you a warning that pain and struggle are close by.

What do you need from me?
I need you to notice when I start worshiping the mountain of gold.  I need you to help me to make my expectations more reasonable. 

Love- Council Suit

This card has been in my Deck for a few years now, and I thought it appropriate to share it with you the week of Valentine's Day!

For me, it represents the archetype of Love.

I am the one whose primary force/power/energy/strength is LOVE!

I am the one whose main direction is love, who operates only from love, who guides the direction of your life with love.

My message for you today is this:  Love is a strong, deep force in your life.  Pay attention to how Love flows through you from above and outward into the world.  Be aware of the many, many ways you are loved today, and be aware of how you are passing that love on to others. 

You know that famous Beatles song... All You Need Is Love?  Well, it's TRUE!  That is my story and I'm stickin' to it!

Bubble Woman- Committee Suit

I made this card intentionally, hoping to express a part of me from the recent past.  I've been working for a year now with Laurel Mellin's The Solution Method, and the biggest gift I've received from this deep inner work is the ability to really feel what I'm feeling and when I'm feeling it!

So I thought of making a card that showed the part of me who refuses to feel anything, is afraid to really feel the messy emotions of life.  Actually, I was never TAUGHT to feel them, and I never felt SAFE feeling them. 

Now I do, and I am so grateful.. but I wanted to honor this part of me anyway, because she really is an integral part of my life and she isn't going to go away.

I am the one who is encased in this glass bubble- safe, protected.  I am the one who is safe from the fire, safe and protected from the bubbling rabble of pieces and parts of you that have strong feelings.

I am cool and calm and collected, safe in my womb.  No one and nothing can reach me here.  I am turned away from these angry, sad, fearful, joyful, anguished parts of you.  I don't want anything to do with them.  They are messy, dirty, bloody, frightening, and I want them to go away.

I am the one who wants to stay in this Numb Bubble and not feel anything.  Ever.  I don't like feeligns.  They are messy and complicated and time-consuming.  I like this bubble I've found that keeps me safe from my feelings.

I give you protection and safety from the heat of emotions.  I give you numbness to protect you.  My world is not colorful but it is safe.

What do I want from you?  I want you to NOT FEEL anything!  I want you to keep me away from those ragged feelings of yours.

Slim Girl/Heavy Shadows- Committee Suit

I made this card (rather... this card made itself!) last fall during a workshop I was leading at my home.  I don't usually create cards when I facilitate because I usually choose to focus on the participants and their experience instead. 

BUT... that afternoon, these images grabbed hold of me and would not let go!

I am the one who is standing strong and powerful and happy.  I am the one who is in the foreground of your life right now.

I am the one who is confident that the heavy shadows are behind me.  They are a part of me, but they are behind me now. 

My message to you today is this: Lighten up!  In food, in body, mind and in spirit.  I am telling you... all is WELL! 

These heavy parts of us are still here, and will always be here with us.  But now, they are only shadows.  I am foreground in your life now.  You have chosen me and here I will stay.

Spiritual Warrior- Council Suit

I read somewhere several months ago about the archetype of "Spiritual Warrior" and I instantly KNEW in my soul that I have one of those!  And almost as soon as I recognized this truth, I found these two seemingly unrelated images.

And then... if that weren't enough, I read this quotation from Pema Chodron:

The Spiritual Warrior sits in the middle of the fire.  --- Pema Chodron

Well, there are truly no coincidences!  This card was simply meant to be!

I am the one who stands guard at the Tree of your Life.  I am the one who throws poisoned daggers at anyone or anything who gets in the way of the beautiful Light pouring down from Spirit.

I am the one who protects you and yours with a circle of flames which has special power to burn in water.  The waters are your life story.  My flames form a circle of protection for you. You are safe at all times.

I am always on guard, always on the lookout, and I am ruthless towards anything which stands between you and Spirits' Light.

Destroyer- Council Suit

I made this card completely intuitively this summer while working with some friends who were new to the SoulCollage process.  I was mainly drawn to this fierce golden dragon.  I don't know if you can see it, but his scaled and jeweled back turns into a paved brick road which leads to a castle, and that fascinated me.

It wasn't until I started letting him speak with the I Am The One Who... exercise that it became clear to me that he is my Destroyer Archetype.

I am the one who has burst out of a narrow doorway.  I am the one with fierce gnashing teeth.  I am the one with jeweled scales on my back.

I am the one whose tail turns into a castle.  I am the one who is the keeper of your Journey.  I am the one who destroys anything that gets in your way. 

I am the one who leaves the old black and white world behind.  I am the one who comes away from that old, stale, shadowy world.

I am the one who fires up your life.  I am the Destroyer.  I cut away anything that doesn't belong to your true authentic self.  I am dangerous to anything on the pathway of your Journey that doesn't belong to you. 

You used to hide me in the shadows, in the misty dark, behind a narrow opening... but my energy is growing now.  I am getting stronger and more powerful because you can now see me as an ally instead of a danger.  I AM HERE!!!  And I am here for YOU.

Now is the time to access my Energy, Fierceness, Power, and Strength... and make it work for you. 

My message for you today is this:  I can help you with the remainder of your food issues.  Tap into my Energy.  I know that extra food is not welcome on your Journey.  I can help you to destroy those cravings.  Tap into my fierce ability to destroy EVERYTHING that isn't necessary for your Journey.

Wake Up- ??? Suit

This is the newest card I've made, sometime in September at a SoulCollage Workshop I was leading at my home.  It's interesting because I'm not usually drawn to images like the model in the foreground, but I was drawn to her that day and still am now.

I held her up against many background images before settling on this one, which also seemed equally powerful to me.

When I started to do the interpretation, I couldn't decide which "voice" on the card was the loudest for me, so I did some I Am The One Who's from BOTH of them!  And then I did a short dialogue that was really an eye-opener for me.  Here goes:

#1- Woman with the flower: I am the one who is strutting my stuff. I am the one who is whipping around this fragile flower and not even worried that it might break.  I am the one who is immensely confident.  I am the one who does what I want, whatever the HELL I want and everyone else be damned.

#2- Woman in background:  I am the one who is laying back. My eyes are half open. I am the one whose face is half scratched off. I am the one who has a glowing flower over my head, in my crown chakra.  I am the one who is almost asleep, or almost awake... and I don't know which.

#1- Hey you... girlfriend!  WAKE UP ALREADY!!! It's time to rise and shine and smell the flowers.  Wake up to the Divine, do you hear me girl???

#2- Oh, I don't know.  I'm kindof wanting to go back to sleep.  Do I HAVE to wake up?  This is very restful like this.

#1- YES, Damnit!  Wake up.  WAKE UP.  You have to wake up now.  You've had a nice long rest.  Now open your eyes.

#2- Do you mean metaphorically or in real time and space?

#1- Oh for God's sakes... stop being in your head all the time... just WAKE UP!!!